So I received my ED discharge paperwork today…
It’s hard to show you without the graph but I’m going to share my scores from April, and then January.
Global score: 5.319 (April) - 2.519 (Jan) (normal = 1.554)
Restraint: 4.000 (A) - 2.200 (J) (norm = 1.251)
Eating concern: 5.600 (A) - 2.200 (J) (norm = 0.624)
Shape concern: 5.875 (A) - 3.875 (J) (norm = 2.149)
Weight concern: 5.800 (A) - 1.800 (J) (norm = 1.587)
My behaviours have also dropped from 18 occasions per month to 2 occasions per month, apart from binges which have gone from 18 times to 4 times per month.
So, I’m still disordered, but much closer to “normal” and much, much more in control of my behaviours.
How do I feel? Mixed I think. I’m frustrated that I’m not “cured” but equally a little annoyed that I’m not still “sick” (I no longer meet the criteria for Bulimia.) It scares me to see the graph - and my husband’s reaction to the dramatic difference was scary too. I showed him the before and after chart and when he saw the before his response was “Jesus Christ, you really were fucked up. I knew it was bad, but seeing it like this just makes it really clear.”
The letter from my therapist says I should feel proud of my progress but I just sort of feel like I’m in no man’s land now. Not sick, but not well…
Does that make sense to anyone?