October 8, 2014

I want another baby. Like now. M says we’ll talk about it in February which I know is logical. But try telling that to my body. dammit. Being back at work is not helping either. I was supporting the well baby clinic today and omg so many tiny ones all curled up and smelling like newborn. My uterus is making me a mad woman.

October 8, 2014

(via lookingforthemoon)

October 5, 2014

I started to have horrific cramps this afternoon so saw the out of hours gp. He thinks its highly likely I was pregnant and am now having the beginnings of a miscarriage. If I don’t start to bleed properly in a few days I have to see my regular doctor, but otherwise just wait it out.

I don’t really know how I feel to be honest… I didn’t even think I was pregnant after so many negative tests following that positive one, but the DR said it’s more likely to be a miscarriage than a false positive test, so I guess I was pregnant… I do feel sad, but mostly confused. And my tummy hurts. :/

October 5, 2014

In other news, my body appears to be on strike. My period is many days late, but multiple tests have continued to rule out pregnancy. I have acne to rival a teenager, and my boobs are agony. I am also exhausted. All of the time.

Yay for that. Dr next week I think if things don’t start to add up soon…

October 5, 2014



what if childbirth is just the pain of the 9 periods you missed

and all this time i thought it was the baby ripping through your vagina

Nah, the post natal bleeding is definitely the result of 9 missed periods. Childbirth is more like “OH MY CHRIST I’M BEING RIPPED IN HALF SOMEONE HELP ME I’M ACTUALLY DYING HERE.”

(Source: phanfrickintastic, via evolution-of-elizabeth)

October 5, 2014

Alfie and I have a Sunday morning ritual. We go to the local car boot sale early, and then we share a chocolate twist in Costa, and I have a cappuccino. It’s my favourite part of the week, no hurry, no pressure, nothing else we need to do… Although the boy is asleep today so I guess I’ll have to eat his share of the chocolate twist. :P

October 2, 2014

Thank you for the messages regarding my return to work - I’m actually really enjoying it, although I’m not enjoying Alfie’s day at nursery today. He’s fine with M’s Mum on Tues and weds but screams at nursery still. :( :(

I’m also EXHAUSTED. More tired than I was at the end of my pregnancy! I know it’s because I literally don’t stop from when I get up until about 9pm, but that doesn’t help right now!

Days go as follows:
1/2 am - feed Alfie (20 mins)
5 / 5.30am - feed and change Alfie.
6 am - m gets up so I jump back into bed for a bit.
6.45 - get up, dressed, washed, do hair.
7- downstairs. Do makeup at table while feeding Alfie / packing milk and lunch / double check bags. (Mine and his) sort dry laundry, hang up wet, empty dishwasher.
7.30 - my breakfast
7.45 - change Alfie’s nappy and get him dressed for the day. Offer Boob (for my own comfort)
8am (8.10 on tues and wed) - leave the house. Drop Alfie at nursery on Thurs and Fri.
8.30 -begin full day at work
5pm - leave work, collect Alfie from nursery.
5.30 - Alfie’s dinner while preparing ours.
6pm -dinner
6.20 - tidy up, change Alfie, play.
7pm - Alfie’s bath and a story.
7.30 - boob and bed.
8pm - prepare bottles and lunches and snacks for the next day, tidy up living room, put chickens away.
8.30 - shower.
9pm - fall into bed and sleep!

September 29, 2014

Back at work tomorrow. I’ve been up since 5.30 and I have cried pretty much the whole time since then. I hate feeling trapped into going back due to the enhanced pay I received at the beginning of my leave. Anyone got a couple of grand they can give me? :( :(

September 29, 2014
Returning to work
My friends with children: sending you lots of love and thinking of you, hope it goes well, try to be brave, at least you can have a nice hot drink. ♡♥♡♥♡♥
My friends without children: ENJOY YOUR FIRST DAY BACK, WOOHOO!!!! :D :D :D :D
September 28, 2014

Anonymous said: I'm glad you're relieved! I had a similar scare last year and while it was totally nerve-racking, once the negative result was confirmed I was also kind of sad. Like it went from "SHIT NOT READY NOT READY BAD TIMING SHIT WTF" to "yeah, I wasn't ready... but there could have been a baby..." and I started legitimately trying not too many months later. Just remember that you are a kick-ass mom and you will be able to handle whatever your uterus might decide to throw at you, now or in the future :)

Thank you anon, it’s good to know I’m not alone in feeling weird about it! You’re right, it’s so weird how you go from panic to disappointment in less than a day. We always said that we want two children, but that with M’s job and my mental health history, two under two wouldn’t be the plan!!! In a few months I hope to post a positive pregnancy test with a happy “shit shit fuck shit”!!! :P

September 28, 2014

Anonymous said: I should have been more clear. My head was in the shed sorry. What i meant is i already take cocaine I've had anorexia in the past and am taking the coke mainly to help me loose weight again. I am afraid i might be on the edge of being addicted.

Ah I see, that makes more sense! Sorry for coming across as harsh in that case…

You must know this is a bad idea though - I doubt you are naive to the affects of being underweight, or of drug addiction. I strongly recommend you speak to a medical professional. It sounds like you have a lot of issues, which are most likely complex - one of which being why you have possibly swapped anorexia for Cocaine? I don’t think you sorted the underlying issues when you recovered from your ed. (Just from what you’ve told me - obviously I can only comment on what you’ve shared with me.)

September 28, 2014

Two negative tests this morning… relieved, but a little bit sad too. We do want a second baby - just in a year or two! ; )

September 27, 2014

Anonymous said: *sending lots of virtual hugs and cuddles* *and makes you a virtual cup of tea* *wishes it didn't have to be virtual*

♥ thank you. tea is good for shock, right? Hahahaha haha. *hysterical laughter*

September 27, 2014

Nope… not processing. Can’t think straight, never mind talk or type straight. Fuck. It’s too early anyway. Chemical pregnancies are common. I’ll worry in a week. Yes. That’s it.
*buries head.*

September 27, 2014
Shit shit fuck shit fuck

Shit shit fuck shit fuck

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