When an eating disordered person says, “I’m fat” it doesn’t always mean “I’m fat”. Instead they could be trying to say “I’m sad” or “I’m really angry”. Telling a person with an ED “Oh, you’re not fat” isn’t going to work when they aren’t looking to hear that. They may instead be looking for a way to express anxiety, shame, guilt, depression etc through their ED. Saying “I’m fat” isn’t always just a statement, it’s an emotion.
Every now and again someone comes into your life and changes everything. You never know it's going to happen, and it astounds and surprises you when you realise just how important that single person has become.
I’m not often one for pouring out my feelings for the entire internet to see, however…
fuck. my. life.
I’m sick of binging, sick of exercising until it hurts, sick of the goddam gym, sick of my muscles being so stiff and sore that I can’t move. I’m sick of starvation, sick of being snappy and irritable and cold, and light headed, and sensitive. I’m sick of FEELING sick, of having a headache, being bloated, puffy, tired, unable to sleep.
I’m sick of not being in control of any of this, I’m sick of feeling trapped and scared and hopeless and most of all, I’m sick of feeling fat and greedy and ugly and stupid and guilty.
I’m sick of second guessing every nice thing anyone ever does or says to or for me. I’m sick of being paranoid that secretly everyone hates me, I’m sick of crying and yelling and stamping my feet and jumping up and down in frustration. I’m sick of myself. I’m sick of attention seeking, I’m sick of trying to hide, I’m sick of lying, I’m sick of saying too much, not saying enough. I’m sick of worrying people, I’m sick of people not noticing.